I have a post in my drafts right now about the pros and cons of different sensory bases I’ve tried with my kids. I figured after my post last week about how to make a sensory bin and contain the mess, that was the most logical next step. However, this blog is all about being real and as much as I love sensory bins, they’re not what I feel compelled to write about today. Let’s talk about cancer instead.

What an intro, right? You may as well know what you’re getting into! My sentiment towards cancer is summed up in the above photo. It’s breast cancer awareness month it’s the first one that I’ve had a direct connection to someone with breast cancer, so let’s go. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer back in August and the last two months haven’t felt real. From getting the call to keeping up with appointments and handling all of the unknowns to feeling encouraged by oncology then crushed again by MRI results to scheduling of surgery and discussions of treatment options, I’ve felt stuck in survival mode.

My family is freakishly close. We always have been. People don’t usually understand our family dynamic and we’re okay with that. My mom is so much more than my mom. She’s always been my biggest cheerleader, an honest critic, my biggest role model, my confidant, my teacher in everything, the person I call when I’m having a panic attack or when good things happen, my best friend. When you hear that literally anything might jeopardize the most incredible person you know in any way, a somewhat abrasive bracelet is a natural step, right? I don’t know. I don’t know what is “natural” in this situation. Nothing? Everything? No one can tell you how to cope I guess, but that’s part of the problem. No one can tell you how to cope. You’re on your own to a certain extent.

I still don’t even really know what to say. When people ask how we are I don’t really know how to answer, but if they don’t ask it feels like the bright pink elephant in the room. How should we be doing? Should we be shedding tears? Should we be angry? Should we be thanking God for giving us battles we didn’t want to fight? Really we’re just still us, plus cancer. We go to 1,241 appointments and take notes and try to remember how to handle drains and which possible discovery could mean which treatment route. We make jokes about how this is such inconvenient timing and how a few years down the road would really have worked out better. We try to make sure everyone has the right information and everyone knows where to be and when and who is watching which kids at what times. We play games and laugh and have dinners and spend most of our time together talking about the tiny humans who make our family the best it has ever been.

This time in my family’s life has felt so bizarre and unreal. This threat to our center, our fire, our helper, our person… Honestly, how dare it. I’ve never wanted to punch anyone, but if cancer were a person I wouldn’t think twice. Here’s the thing, cancer doesn’t know what it’s messing with. My mom is the strongest person I’ve ever met even though she’ll deny it every second. My mom has always been the most raw and real person I know and I have always admired her for it and have made it a goal for myself. She’s the original Be Real Mama. I’ve said before that one of the things I appreciate most about how my mom parented is that she never hid things from my brother and me. She shared her life with us and always answered our questions. With all that I know of my mom through her stories and through our lives, I know that even when she is feeling low or scared she excels in the end.

Another thing I know that cancer doesn’t know is that because of who my mom is and how she brought up her family, she will never ever be alone. No matter what happens on our journey, it’s OUR journey. I say “we” so much here because that’s what it is. Always a we. Even though she has the scariest role to play here and that knowledge makes me feel sick, we are all in this together. I’m thankful for so many things even in the midst of all of this, but I am most thankful for the foundation my mom cultivated for our family when it was just four people and how she reshaped it each time it has expanded. This unit she has built can handle anything, even cancer. She can handle anything, even cancer.

Over here, sensory activities are one of our favorite things to do. Sensory bins are an incredible tool to have for kids on so many levels. Sensory bins can be used for calming, fine motor practice, memory retention, imaginary play, introducing new information, or expanding on topics that have been previously introduced. Sensory play can help children become accustomed to many different textures from a young age and encourage them to be more open to new foods, clothing fibers, and ground textures. Basically, sensory bins can be an incredible resource for your kids no matter how simple or complicated you choose to make them.

Because of the many colorful, complicated, and/or messy bins that gain popularity, many parents feel that sensory bins are too much hassle or mess to really be worth it. While I enjoy creating thought-out bins with a steep amount of prep work that do occasionally create a mess that I wasn’t expecting, I know that isn’t for everyone. Some people have their own sensory issues or don’t have the desire or time to have one more thing to prepare or clean up. If you don’t mind a mess, great! If the idea of spraying green cornflower slime off of your deck fills you with anxiety and rage, I’ve got your back. In this post I’ll include some rules and measures I take to keep our play as clean as possible, as well as some affiliate links for you to check out.

So how can you set yourself up for success no matter how you choose to set up sensory play? Easy:

1. Know the basics. If you know what makes something “sensory” focused play, it can feel easier to jump in. Note: What makes great sensory play is NOT AT ALL how fancy the setup is.
2. Participate in play. Kids will almost always get more out of play and play for longer if you come alongside them in some way. Even if I am sitting in a deck chair drinking my coffee, my 2.5 year old is always more engaged if I am discussing what he’s doing or asking questions than if I am completing some other task.
3. Follow their lead and include their interests. Does your kid love animals? Make a jungle for them to play in! Obsessed with construction vehicles? A construction site just may be one of the most simple sensory play trays you can try!

So what do you need to set up a sensory bin? Obviously, a reasonably sized, sturdy container is a must. My favorite is a clear 12″x12″ organizer from Target and I use that same bin for 98% of our setups. Once you have your container, sensory bins typically consist of three main “ingredients”. A base(rice, water, beans, etc., some type of loose parts(farm animals, letters, etc.), and tools(scoops, tongs, buckets,etc.).

Once you have your basic setup, how can you manage the mess without losing your marbles? I always set an expectation with my kids before setting up an activity and prepare the area to minimize mess as much as possible. I make no promises because toddlers can make a mess out of anything, but here are some things I try to limit the chaos without limiting the fun:

1. No throwing or splashing
2. We share or we’re all done playing
3. It’s okay if we spill things while playing, but do your best to keep things inside the bins we’re using.

I expect my 2.5 year old and 12 month old to bend these rules a little while playing, so I view them more as practicing awareness than rules that they could get fussed at for breaking. A safe space to practice paying attention to what their actions cause around them is just another one of the things I love about sensory play. Because I know even with my rules in place that messes may happen, here is how I might prepare our play space:

1. Towels or a waterproof mat like <a href="http://<a target="_blank" href="https://www.amazon.com/Waterproof-Playtime-Anti-Slip-Reusable-Portable/dp/B0BTRV6G6Z/ref=sr_1_6?crid=1KDYRYFOEESNQ&keywords=waterproof%252Bmat&qid=1696182871&sprefix=waterproof%252Bmat%252Caps%252C102&sr=8-6&th=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=berealmama-20&linkCode=ur2&linkId=394bf984f414cd8659dc515cd531f1fc&camp=1789&creative=9325">Waterproof Matthis are great for water play, but I’ll also use them for other loose bases like rice so that after we’re done I can roll up the towel and dump the excess back into the bin.
2. Silicone mats like <a href="http://<a target="_blank" href="https://www.amazon.com/Munchkin-Silicone-Placemats-Kids-Purple/dp/B07L4DHXTT/ref=sr_1_3?crid=3KQC50VBACSS8&keywords=munchkin+silicone+mat&qid=1696086213&sprefix=munchkin+silicone+mat%252Caps%252C100&sr=8-3&_encoding=UTF8&tag=berealmama-20&linkCode=ur2&linkId=198cb25c3b7bfbc4a4c5942369072edf&camp=1789&creative=9325">Silicone Matsthese are great for play dough. Play dough can leave behind a residue on some surfaces so I like to lay out a silicone mat or put it in a tray.
3. Some people recommend placing smaller bins inside of a larger bin to catch excess from loose bases. I think this is a great idea, but with little storage space and little desire to spend money on extra bins, it isn’t the choice that works for my family.
4. Have a hand washing station nearby for messy play. My toddlers have a harder time with messy play, so a hand washing station where they can have a fresh start and clean hands can encourage them to play for longer. A hand washing station can be simple, a bowl of water or water table and a hand towel are great options. We also have <a href="http://<a target="_blank" href="https://www.amazon.com/Cute-Stone-Sensitive-Thermochromic-Dishwasher/dp/B07MLYQLX1/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=17MVOEX0HWFX4&keywords=play+sink&qid=1696184587&sprefix=play+sink%252Caps%252C121&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=berealmama-20&linkCode=ur2&linkId=a2e5138359e4c85896b01a6bfe0c6a26&camp=1789&creative=9325">Play Sinkthis play sink that is one of my kid’s favorite toys ever.

When it comes down to it, there’s always going to be some kind of mess when kids are playing. With all of these tactics, mess will be limited and much more manageable. In my opinion, the benefits of sensory play really outweigh the annoyance of extra cleanup. However, I don’t like extra cleanup any better than the next mom. The most realistic way I manage the mess is to go outside whenever possible. That way I can sweep or spray off the deck and not worry about every little thing. When outside isn’t an option I lean much more on play dough setups or things like pom pom sorting or kinetic sand because I feel like they are the most simple to clean up indoors.

I think that lays the groundwork for some of the ways you can get started with sensory play. One of my next posts will cover some pros and cons of bases we’ve used, including the mess factor and how likely it is you’ll be giving a bath afterwards. For now, you can’t go wrong with tossing some extra toys in the bath with a drop or two of food coloring and encouraging some sensory play while you take that deep breath you’re gonna need to get through bedtime.

We watched Cinderella yesterday. Two different versions in fact. “If you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true.” The classic fairy tale mindset. If you just keep believing in yourself and trying, success will come. You’ll get the guy, you’ll have the picket fence, you’ll be the rock star, you’ll start the successful business, whatever the dream is can be achieved by that wish on a star and belief in yourself. Right? Right? Well, maybe for Cinderella and the gang. Maybe for you, too. If so, I’m proud of you! I feel like the more likely scenario is that your life isn’t a fairy tale.

All of those goals and dreams we had but never accomplished, no matter how small, can sit inside our brain taking up space and telling us we aren’t good enough because we didn’t succeed at one thing or another. Last week I dreamed I’d wake up at 6:30, get the laundry done, start preschool with my son, keep the kids alive and maybe even thriving, clean my house, go to the eye doctor, and eat salad for lunch every day. Did all of that happen? Not a chance.

Could I have accomplished everything I wished to? Maybe. The real world additive to this fairy tale thought process is that there are extenuating circumstances and a measure of worth attached to the tasks we set out to do. When my daughter was awake from 3-5:30am, the worth of getting up at 6:30am went down and the worth of that hour of sleep went way up. What if Cinderella had wished really hard to go to the ball, but her fairy godmother never came? Or maybe her fairy godmother came but gave her the choice between going to the ball or seeing her father again? Circumstances can and should change our goals.

I don’t know about you, but I have a tendency to continuously add goals upon goals and then beat myself up when I only achieve two instead of all seven. I discussed this trait with my therapist the other day and about how prioritizing is such a massive factor in setting and achieving goals. I don’t live in a fairy tale. I can’t get all of the chores done, still make it to the ball, AND be a happy person who makes clothes for mice. Sometimes I even have to get no chores done, stay home from the ball, and just do my best to be a happy person. I’m learning to let that be okay and forgive myself for not checking off all of the boxes on my to do list.

This blog is a priority to me because I do want it to succeed. I want to cultivate a resource for moms in many different stages of motherhood. I hope you’ll come with me on this chaotic journey of motherhood. So many moms don’t have that village people always talked about, so let’s make one. I would love to hear what you might look for in a space like this. A place to commiserate? Activity ideas? Parenting ideas? You hate blogs and everything about them?

Help me build the foundation of Be Real Mama! I would love for this to be a collaborative space. I hope to be able to have guest writers who want to share their stories and ideas. My journey in motherhood won’t look exactly like anyone else’s, and neither will yours. That’s part of the beauty in raising these little people. We are all so different, yet we have these amazing little beings who bring us together. If you might be interested in collaborating as a guest writer or sharing details for me to include in a post, contact me here!

Welcome to Be Real, Mama. Maybe only my mom will read this blog, but in case we aren’t freakishly close and you don’t know, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Aubrianah Moore. I’m a 27 year old stay at home mom blessed by God with two incredible kids. My son is 2.5 and my daughter just turned 1. I have been with my husband for almost eight years. I quit my job when my son was ten months old because being away from him was like taking my heart out of my body and leaving it at home for the day. Dramatic? Absolutely, but here we are.

Ever since my son was born, I have felt such a passion to find my place to offer support to other moms. Everywhere we turn we see unrealistic expectations, hatred, judgement, and unwanted advice. It is so hard to find people who truly offer support, not just their opinion. From those early postpartum days to the daily toddler crises, the good days and the completely terrible ones, I want to be a safe space for moms walking through all areas of motherhood.

Other key notes about our life these days: I was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety in March and am learning how to love all of the things that come with that. My mother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and we still have many unknowns. We are starting homeschool preschool with my son in two days. Basically, we have a lot going on these days, so my natural response was to add on one more project. Even through the chaotic atmosphere of the last year or so, a way to reach other moms and make connections has been heavy on my mind. I’ve brainstormed, wished, planned, scrapped those plans, and planned again and this is where I’ve landed: a blog. A central location for all of my thoughts, plans, projects, ideas, and the other hubbub that lives inside of my brain to come to rest.

In walks Be Real, Mama. With how life works, sugarcoating doesn’t help anyone. Showing life in pretty squares doesn’t leave anyone feeling truly encouraged. With everything life can throw at us, it is so important to be reminded that we are all people. People with hardships, people with pride, people with successes and failures, people with fears and hopes, people who are REAL. I will never be the one to tell anyone they should feel a certain way or do something a certain way. I’ll share an opinion, sure, but I’ll also absolutely admit everything I think could be wrong. Except for the opinion that my children are almost too cute to look at. See below for reference:

That’s all for now, folks. We’ll get into more of my hopes for this blog in the next post. If you’re interested in sensory play, crafts and activities, and a journey into homeschooling, we hope you’ll stick around. For ideas to try out, check out our activity gallery here.